And they lived happily ever after
by Ina-chan
Summary: COMPLETE! His world as seen in Keith's eyes in three acts.
1. Step One: Separation Anxiety

All standard disclaimers apply. Voltron characters belong to WEP, storyline premise based on Devil's Due Comics, original characters are mine. Certain events in the story are imitated from real life but grossly exaggerated to hide the identities of the real life persons and parties involved otherwise the author will be killed… in a very slow and painful manner. Keith's history that's not stated in the Devil's Due profiles as well as the actual plot are all just figments of my strange and convoluted imagination.

Rating G

**VERY IMPORTANT ACKNOWLEDGMENT:** This fic would not have been made possible without the patience, assistance, insight and support of the very lovely Sheila Bliss.

February 18, 2007

And They Lived Happily Ever After  
(a.k.a. If the Monster in the Closet Doesn't Get You First)  
By Ina-chan

Step One: Separation Anxiety

In the twelve years that I've been alive, I learned four truths.

First, there are no such things as happy endings and make-believe fairytale are exactly what they are – make-believe. Endings are never happy because all things only come to an end when everything stops existing. That's never happy.

In spite of that truth, people still dream, struggle, and fight their way to get that happy ending. Mom and Dad weren't an exception. I don't know anybody else who fought really hard for a happy ending. But their efforts were pretty useless. In the end, they only found a burning wreckage of twisted plastic and metal.

Second, I learned that the dark isn't always scary. When I was little, I wasn't any different from anybody else. I found the dark scary. You can't see in the dark. You hear strange noises in the dark. It's the things that you don't see and don't know that scare you. So your imagination makes up for what your senses can't provide. That's why I used to believe that monsters waited and lurked in the dark.

Then I got older and I realized that like happy endings, monsters in closets don't exist either. The monsters that lurked in the dark aren't the ones that you should be scared of. Real monsters lurk in the light and in plain view. You don't even realize that those monsters are right in front of you, waiting for the right moment to get you. That's what makes them scarier than the monsters hiding in the dark.

So it's actually safer to be in the dark because no one can see you in the dark, even the monsters lurking in there. Nobody would even know you're there. You can act scared all you want and nobody would know. You can cry all you want and nobody would know. You can be weak all you want and nobody would know.

Nobody would know.

"To be quite honest, Mrs. Powell, I don't understand why you are continuing to hinder this process. If you really want what's best for him, you'd let us do our job."

"To be quite honest, Mr. Ishida, I don't understand why you were hired in the first place. For the past twelve years, that woman has never shown any interest on my sister's son. Why start now?"

"Akira-sama is---"

"Keith."

"Excuse me?"

"My nephew's name is Keith."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, Mrs. Powell. But isn't Akira Kogane the boy's name?"

"Akira Kogane is not my nephew. Akira Kogane is the former Master of the Kogane Family. It's true that my sister and brother-in-law named their son after his grandfather, a futile effort to make peace with the family. But 'Keith' is the name they have chosen to use."

"I see… nonetheless, Mrs. Powell… Keith-sama… is now the Kogane Family heir. While there had been problems in the past with the Kogane's youngest son… there is no reason to deprive Keith-sama of his birth right."

"You mean that now that the Kogane family's eldest son is dead, my nephew conveniently has a birth right."

"Mrs. Powell, please. I understand that you feel bitter about what happened in the past. But we can't ignore the fact that Kogane blood runs in that boy's veins. As the last male direct descendant from the Kogane Main House, Keith-sama will be the future Head of the Kogane Family."

"I'm aware of that Mr. Ishida. I am also aware of the fact that the Kogane Family is very proud of their traditions to the point of fanaticism. Because of that pride, my brother-in-law was disowned for marrying a girl who is… 'not up to the family's standards'. You can't deny the fact that in their eyes, the Kogane blood that runs in my nephew's veins is 'tainted'. With that in mind, do you honestly believe that family's 'not-so-direct-descendants' will accept a Chinese half-breed to become their Master?"

"Mrs. Powell, again, I understand your concerns. But the Kogane Family has nothing but their best interest for Keith-sama."

"No, Mr. Ishida, I don't believe you do. How do you expect me to believe your employer's sincerity about my nephew's welfare when she sent her lawyer to pick up her grandson instead of coming here to get him herself?"

"………"

"Mr. Ishida, let me be direct and to the point. I know how rich and powerful my brother-in-law's family is. I'm not delusional. But I'm never handing my nephew over to a prideful old woman who would only acknowledge his existence out of necessity. Now, if you don't mind, please leave."

"Mrs. Powell, please don't make a big mistake deciding out of whim. We should talk this over…"

"If you wish to talk further, then please make an appointment with my lawyer, Mr. Ishida. This conversation is over and you are now trespassing on my property. Please leave before I call the authorities."

"……… Very well, Mrs. Powell. You shall be hearing from us soon."

The dark shows things that you won't normally see in the light. Sometimes they are things that other people probably wouldn't have wanted you to know. Sometimes they are things that you, yourself, probably wouldn't have wanted to know.

"Hey, kiddo? Are you hiding in there again?"

She seems to be doing that a lot lately, trying to coax me out of the dark. Aunt Fay. Before she came to the U.S. she was known as Li Fei-mei. Then she married Uncle Raymond and became Fay Powell.

I'm the same, though I was too young to remember. The name written on my birth certificate from Hong Kong was Kogane Akira. It seemed like a completely different person. But my mother had it legally changed to Keith Kogane when we came here. I never thought about it before. Why she decided to change it. I always figured that's the way it was. After all, the other Chinese kids I knew had a Chinese and an American name.

I've never seen Aunt Fay like that. Angry. I mean, really, really angry. She used to yell at Mom a lot. They would fight like cats and dogs at one moment, then be the best of friends the next. They were weird. But I know Mom loved my Aunt Fay a lot. Aunt Fay's twelve years older than Mom. My grandmother died when Mom was born, so Aunt Fay ended up acting more like a mother than an older sister to Mom. When Aunt Fay was twenty-eight, she married an American soldier then moved away from Hong Kong.

Mom and Dad met then eloped two years after that. Dad's family didn't like Mom, and Aunt Fay wasn't there to stop her. Not that there was anything Aunt Fay could have done to stop them. When I was three, we left Hong Kong and followed Aunt Fay.

"So you heard all of that, huh? Let's not mention what happened to your uncle, okay? He'll be upset as it is when he finds out I met with that man without telling him."

Aunt Fay is a free-lance journalist, novelist, and as what Mom called… a fearless hopeless idealistic dreamer. Uncle Raymond rose up the ranks and in the process became a military lawyer. Their jobs caused them to travel from all over. Aunt Fay used to say that it would be cruel to raise children with the lifestyle they led. She always said that she wouldn't have children, even if she had a choice.

I was too young to remember this too, but I know the story. I suppose anyone who knows Aunt Fay is bound to know. Aunt Fay even wrote a book about it. Aunt Fay was very very sick then. So Mom decided to come to America to be by Aunt Fay's side. Aunt Fay survived, but her treatment made it impossible for her to have children afterwards. In a way, I've become Aunt Fay's surrogate kid. Mom used to get mad at her for spoiling me rotten. But Aunt Fay could be as every inch as strict as Mom whenever I'd get into trouble. But still…

She's not Mom.

"Hey, come on Kiddo. Come out of the broom closet. Isn't it a bit cramped in there?"

Mom and Dad died in the accident two months ago. I've been with Aunt Fay and Uncle Raymond ever since. It was weird. I never had to spend time with Aunt Fay longer than a week before. Now I'm going to be living with them all the time. It's funny. I used to think that it would be cool to live with Aunt Fay instead. 'Specially during those times when Mom punished me over something that was clearly not my fault. Now… I just want to get out of here and go home.

Aunt Fay keeps telling me that it's okay to cry and to spill my guts and that she's there to listen. But I don't want that. I don't want to cry. I don't even feel like crying. I don't want to spill out my guts. I just want her to leave me alone. I just want to stay here in the dark, where nobody can bother me.

To be honest, I don't understand why Aunt Fay said those things to my grandmother's lawyer. I know she felt responsible for what happened. The only reason why she took me in is out of obligation in the first place.

Obligation. It's a big word, isn't it? You wouldn't think that a twelve year old would really understand what it means. But I do. Aunt Fay only took me in because of her obligation to her sister. My grandmother only searched for me because of her obligation to produce an heir to her family. Mom left Hong Kong because of her obligation to be by her dying sister's side. Dad sacrificed his career to go with Mom because of his obligation to be a good husband. Mom and Dad didn't get divorced right away because of their obligation to be good parents.

I told you. The darkness shows you a lot of things.

"I know. Why don't we go out for a drive? Just the two of us. It'll be fun. We'll go get a couple of those game thingies you like. Gorge ourselves with ice cream. And get that horrible man out of our minds for a while, eh? What do you say?"

Dad used to do that too. Whenever he and Mom started fighting, he'll take me out. We'd go drive somewhere far… like the park or the lake. And he would teach me a new technique, or a new kata. Mom used to call him irresponsible. I suppose she was right. Dad would rather give in or run away than be in any sort of fight with her.

They really tried hard for a fairytale happy ending. They never told. At least not directly. Sometimes, when Aunt Fay and Mom fought, they blurted out things in Cantonese. When Mom and Aunt Fay fought in Chinese, that's when I knew that it was something serious and something that they didn't want me to hear. I didn't understand everything. But I understood enough to be able to figure out things on my own. After all in this day and age, information, gossip, scandals… they're all available at anyone's finger tips. All you have to do is turn on a computer. People like airing other people's dirty laundry, especially if those people are like Dad's family.

The Kogane Family just happened to control a third of Japan's medical industry… hospitals, medical equipment, pharmaceutical research. You don't even need to be older than twelve to put two and two together. What happened between Aunt Fay and that lawyer only confirmed what I already know.

I knew Dad's story too. Dad sometimes gets a bit too tipsy for his own good. 'Specially after a really bad fight with Mom. Dad likes to cry and spill out his guts when he's drunk. He would always tell me not to grow up like him. A disappointment, a failure, a coward… He compared himself with Grandfather and his older brother, Uncle Hiroyuki. He moaned how he failed to get into the best schools and failed to hold on with his jobs. That's why Kenpo was so important to him. The Chinese Martial Art was the only thing he was really good at. His life revolved around it to the point that he ran away from home to follow a foolish dream of finding a great teacher in China to help his path to become a great Kenpo Master. He only ended up failing miserably with that too.

Dad never got to Mainland China. He only got as far as Hong Kong. My grandparents figured that Dad would eventually just give up his foolishness and come home with his tail between his legs. Then Dad met Mom. When my grandparents found out about Mom, they forced Dad to make a choice: Come back home and forget about her, or forget about being part of the Kogane Family.

Dad married Mom.

And his parents disowned him.

I suppose Dad's parents hated Mom because she took Dad away from the family. Mom and Dad really fought hard for a fairytale happy ending. To the very end, they were trying to work things out one last time during that one last holiday.

It's just too bad that there's no such thing as happy endings.

"Hey Kiddo, are you listening?"

Aunt Fay always hated my grandparents after what they did to Mom. I know she only said those things because she wanted to give my grandmother a hard time. I also know that in the end, she's going to give me away. She said so herself that she didn't want children.

I know about what my grandmother really wanted too. It was all over the news, about Uncle Hiroyuki's heart attack. It was a complete uproar when he died because it left the Kogane Main House without an heir and a major part of the country's economy unstable. There were talks of power struggles and take-overs that I didn't really understand completely. I may just be a kid and don't understand a lot of things, but I'm not stupid. I'm not so naïve as to think that my grandmother just suddenly wanted to get to know me better. She only wanted me now because she didn't really have a choice, which brings us to the third truth…

Adults lie.

They go around pretending what they're doing is for the greater good or something. But they're really just using children for their own purposes. Adults go around thinking that children are not smart enough to figure things out on their own, and lie about the existence of happy endings.

"sigh I'm sorry, Keith. I know what I did was selfish. But I had to see it for myself."

I wish that she would just go away and leave me alone in the dark.

"You know, your mom didn't want to name you after your grandfather. She only agreed because it meant a lot to your dad."

That was rare. It wasn't a secret that Mom always got her way. Dad always gave in to her. Dad usually only got to do what he wanted because Mom let him. The only thing that Dad wouldn't allow her to have her way on was the divorce.

"When you came here, she wanted a new start for you. But she didn't want to give you a Chinese name either. That's why she gave you an English name and insisted that you be called by it. She wanted you to choose your own way on neutral ground. She didn't want you to be forced to choose between the two worlds you came from."

Mom was the one who always thought of everything. Mom was cynical of fairytales and happy endings even though she admitted hoping that it would somehow be true. Mom was the one who always told things as they were. So when she said that she would see me when they got back from their trip… I believed her.

I forgot that she was an adult too.

"And yeah, I agreed to see Mr. Ishida because of my selfishness. That must have made you feel really anxious, didn't it? I'm sorry."

Why won't she go away? Why won't she leave me alone? Why can't the dark swallow up sound like it swallows up light? I don't want to hear this anymore. I don't want to listen to her talk about these stupid things just to win over my sympathy.

"I know that you probably would have been better off with your grandmother. She'll be able to give you things and opportunities that I could probably only dream of and… a stable family. I was prepared to give you up."

I'm tired. I'm tired of people assuming I don't know any better. I'm tired of people thinking that they're doing what's best for me by doing what they think what's best for me. And I'm tired of her trying to coax me out of the dark.

"But before I did that, I wanted to see with my own eyes what kind of people they were."

I don't care. Go away.

"That's why I'm sorry Keith. I'm sorry for being so selfish. But after seeing how they really are, I realized that if I did give you up to them…"

I don't…

"…they'll never let me see you again."

………

"I'm sorry I made that decision without thinking about your feelings. All I really want is for you to be happy, Kiddo."

…don't…

"But if you are going to be happier with your grandmother…"

Her voice, then, disappeared in the darkness. I couldn't even hear her move from the other side of the door. There was no other noise than the sound of my own breathing. And I finally got what I wanted…

But… I realized for the first time what it really means to be in the dark. Not seeing or hearing or feeling doesn't make the bad feelings go away. Somehow, knowing that no one will see you... find you… feels a hundred times scarier than the make-believe monsters that lurk in the dark. The air gets heavier and it gets harder to breathe. And nobody knows…

Nobody knows.

I remember reaching for the door and pushing it with all my strength. I remember the door banging loudly as it hit the wall. I remember feeling suddenly blinded by the room's white light. I remember seeing Aunt Fay's tiny frame. She was sitting not too far from the closet door, hugging her knees. I remember staring back at the startled almond shaped brown eyes of her tear streaked face. And I remember hearing a small and pathetic voice as I struggled against the painful lump in my throat.

"Aunt Fay… please… don't give me away…"

The next thing I remember was feeling the wind knocked out of me, as Aunt Fay engulfed me in a tight embrace. I remember closing my eyes and relishing the feeling of her warmth. It was then, for the first time since Mom and Dad died, that I felt the bad feelings melting away. It felt so safe and warm that I didn't mind it at all if Aunt Fay thought I was a coward and weak. I didn't even mind crying. It was also the first time, despite the cruelty of the truth, I wanted to believe.

Happy endings can happen.

* * *

End of Step One  
Continued on Step Two: Thixophobia

**Author's squawk:**

And with sweaty hands and a pounding heart… I release my newest baby to the world. This is my first Voltron fic, despite being a fan of the series since I was nine years old… And making up stories and fantasies about Keith... yes I was a strange nine-year-old. But now, I'm older. And can justify my fantasies by claiming that they are beautiful pieces of prose! As you can tell, this is based on the Devil's Due storyline. Unfinished stories have so much fanfic potential… and this is my contribution to the fandom. Though, I still think it would have been more drama if DD made Keith half-Korean and half-Japanese. AGH! Keith's father's ancestors will roll in their graves! And the fanfic drama resulting from it!

I hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I enjoyed writing it (and Sheila enjoyed being my guinea pi---er beta reader).

Comments, criticisms, sacrificial offerings to the muses… to inachanatyahoodotcom


	2. Step Two: Thixophobia

What? Are you still reading this?

Insert disclaimer here: Voltron characters belong to WEP, storyline premise based on Devil's Due Comics, original characters are mine. Certain events in the story are imitated from real life but grossly exaggerated... obviously. I'm still alive! Ha! Keith's history that's not stated in the Devil's Due profiles as well as the actual plot are all made up by the voices I hear in my head. Sometimes… they keep me awake at night…

Rating PG-13

**VERY IMPORTANT ACKNOWLEDGEMENT:** This fic would not have been made possible without the patience, assistance, insight and support of the very lovely Sheila Bliss.

February 19, 2007

And They Lived Happily Ever After  
(a.k.a. If You Survive the Force of Gravity)  
By Ina-chan

Step Two: Thixophobia 

Today is my wedding day. Today is a turning point in my life.

Aunt Fay once said that getting married is a big deal no matter what culture you belong to. After all, getting married is one of the major turning points of change in a person's life. What's that saying again? 'A home is not complete until it has experienced a birth, a marriage, and a death.' Or something like that...

Personally, I think I had my fill of life's turning points. Sometimes I wonder if the Fates are actually making fun of me or have something against me. Maybe I did something in my former life that displeased them. It felt as if each turning point in my life seemed to be marked by tragedy. A bout of suffering and sadness before a story's happy ending. For example, I only ended up living with my aunt and uncle after my parents were killed in a car accident. That was a little more than half a lifetime ago.

What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger, right?

You can say that I gained a dark perspective in life. I've been known to be overly cautious, weighing the benefits against risks before taking action. I'm not fond of having strangers get too close or act familiar with me before they gain my trust. But… I don't think I'm at the point that I've become anti-social.

When I was a teen-ager, Aunt Fay worried over that, me turning anti-social, that is. Then again, Aunt Fay was a novelist and didn't have to deal with teen-agers since my mother. Her ideas of how normal teen-agers behaved was somewhat… skewed.

You see, I was home schooled most of my life. Mom was paranoid about my name being in the public register for fear that my father's family would suddenly show up to claim me. It's very clear now, the main reason why she decided to change my name back then.

I continued to be home schooled after I started living with Aunt Fay and Uncle Raymond because of our lifestyle. Aunt Fay was always traveling to promote a new book. Uncle Raymond always got sent to review cases from US Military installations all over the world. They were very big on "family togetherness", so our family being separated for long periods of time was unacceptable.

So I grew up in a stable family environment and literally traveled and saw the world in ways kids at that age can only imagine. I don't think any of us thought there was anything wrong about our nomadic lifestyle… until that one incident when I was sixteen. When Aunt Fay thought it was a great idea to drag me along to one of her new book's formal dinner receptions.

I'd rather not talk about it…

I was never a party person in the first place. I try to avoid big social gatherings like the plague. I only went because Uncle Raymond couldn't make it and Aunt Fay made it clear that I didn't have a choice. And… the end result led Aunt Fay to the conclusion that I needed to spend more time with people my age.

So for the first time in our lives, we stayed put in one place for one year so I could at least attend my final year of high school in an actual school. I didn't understand what the big deal was, really. And it wasn't my fault that I never really hung out with girls my age. How was I to know, at that time, that girls that age can be so freaky?

When I was growing up, there weren't a lot of kids around me to play with anyway. So I always found myself socializing with my aunt and uncle's friends. That's why I ended up being more comfortable around adults than kids my age.

I never really thought about it until one of my classmates pointed it out later. But it did seem funny how adults seemed to naturally treat me as if I was their equal. When I was younger, one of Uncle Raymond's friends once commented that I was fourteen going on forty and had inherited my uncle's authoritative charisma. I suppose that was one explanation why even the other kids seemed to have this instinctive tendency to follow me even though I sometimes feel a bit uncomfortable around them.

It's not that I was an outcast or anything. In fact, I seemed to fit in on any social circle in high school. Nobody seemed to be bothered with me hanging out with the physics club at lunch then sparring with members of the judo team after school. But even so... I realized something that until now, I couldn't really put my finger on.

No matter how much I got along with everyone, there was always this invisible wall between myself and them.

Of course there were the girls.

I got along with them fine, as long as they didn't start acting "different" and wanting to be "more than friends" or anything like that. Because that situation usually ended with them crying… and I just couldn't deal with them when they do that! My after-school martial arts training was probably the only thing kept me sane throughout my brief high school experience.

In a way, I can see now why she completely caught me off-guard…

Bev…

Today is our wedding day. Today is a turning point in our lives.

Me and Bev… Two years ago, I probably wouldn't even have dared to contemplate on the thought that we would be sharing our lives together. Out first meeting was not exactly ideal. Let's just say that I don't look forward to telling our children our story when they ask how Mommy and Daddy met. And like every turning point in my life, our meeting was overshadowed by a tragedy.

I was in New York City, on furlough and visiting my friend Craig, an old buddy back from training. It was two weeks after Aunt Fay's funeral. Three and a half months after Uncle Raymond's.

Aunt Fay's cancer came back four years ago. I was away on assignment when she found out. Apparently, she insisted that I not be told. She didn't want me to worry about her when I should be thinking of myself when I'm in a dangerous mission.

It still stings when I think about it. It's a bit difficult to compare now, because so much time had passed since my parents died. But I think Aunt Fay's death hurts more. I resented her a little bit. Actually, I resented both of them. You had no idea how much I wanted to get mad at them. I felt like that helpless little brat they took in years ago. I felt betrayed all over again. All their preaching about family togetherness… It only applied to me, when I was suffering. But when it was their turn, they didn't even give me the choice to share their burden.

All I could think about was…all that time, I when I was away… I was doing all I could to help all these strangers, saving these other people in rescue missions. And I wasn't even given the chance to do something for them, the most important people in the world to me.

Of course, the funny thing was… No matter how much I wanted to get mad at them, I couldn't.

Aunt Fay fought valiantly for two years until Uncle Raymond had a stroke… I only found out about her illness when Uncle Raymond was no longer around to help keep her secret. When Uncle Raymond died, it seemed as if Aunt Fay's fighting spirit died with him. That's why three months after, Aunt Fay followed him.

I was ordered to go on military leave to sort out my affairs. I personally would have preferred to keep working. I didn't want to leave my team in the middle of a recon assignment. But I understood their concerns. Having an unstable member in the team can jeopardize the entire mission.

Despite my personal objections, it did help sort out a lot of things in my head. It was painful to realize that I was an orphan all over again. It was also the first time in my life that I realized that I was truly alone.

A few years back, I was briefly assigned at the 31st MEU(SOC) in Okinawa. I tried to contact my father's family, but all my efforts were unsuccessful. Then again, the custody battle over me wasn't a pleasant affair. I can understand why they wanted nothing to do with me. My grandmother already died some time ago, but not before witnessing most of the Kogane Family's assets divided and taken over by other companies. Aunt Fay reassured me that it wasn't my fault. It wouldn't have mattered if I was named the family heir or not. There really wasn't much a twelve-year-old can do for a dying dynasty.

The last thing I wanted was to go somewhere and party. But the need for normal human contact after dealing with death was just too strong. So when Craig invited me to spend a few days in New York City, I accepted without a second thought. I was never a party person. I can still count the number of times I got drunk to the point of semi-consciousness with the fingers of one hand since I was a cadet. That night, I guess I just wanted to forget everything, even if just for a short while.

It was the natural order of things… being in the company of good friends under the bright city lights and the influence of unending flow of alcohol. The next thing I knew, it was already morning. I was half-naked, waking up on an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room with a desert in my mouth and a sledgehammer pounding my head from the inside out. And there were this pair of unfamiliar bright green eyes looking down at me.

I can't say that I fought valiantly in any wars.

"Good Morning, Sleeping Beauty."

"Wha--?"

But, I've already been involved in a fair number of missions that could test one's nerves. Somehow, being with this stranger, looking at me expectantly with that mischievous smile … and treating me with inappropriate intimacy…

"Breakfast is ready. You probably have a monster of a hang over, but don't worry. I have my grandpa's home-made elixir guaranteed to get rid of that headache of yours with very temporary taste bud killing side effects."

"Where…"

"Your clothes? Oh, they're in the wash. You know for a soldier, you don't hold your liquor very well, do you?"

Very few things in this world scare the hell out of me in the first place.

"Who are you?"

But at that moment… when I said those words… when I asked that question… and when I stared at this strange woman, who gaped back at me with this horrified expression on her face and the tears welling in those bright green eyes…

"Who am I? After what we did last night? You don't even remember my name?"

"… … …!!!"

I've never felt so terrified in my entire life.

The room began to spin and bitter bile rose up my throat. I literally scrambled out of bed and almost didn't make it to the toilet as my body expelled whatever toxins left by my uncharacteristic alcohol binge the night before. I didn't even notice that she was behind me until I felt her place a warm washcloth over my forehead as my stomach's violent heaves finally calmed down.

"Oh my god… Are you alright? I was just kidding. Don't die on me, okay? OH! What should I do? Should I call 911? I'm going to kill Craig for this…"

I couldn't help gaping back at her in surprise. Her mischievous look was replaced by genuine concern… and fear. She was talking so fast that I almost didn't catch half of what she was saying. It was ironic, that upon seeing her rattled helped regain my frazzled wits.

"I'll be okay. Now, who are you?"

She flinched instinctively at the sound of my voice. Maybe my tone was sharper than I intended. But she gave me an apologetic look and started wringing the wash cloth in her hands.

"I'm sorry. Look, I was just joking earlier. Nothing happened. Craig… my cousin... He got called off to work this morning and you were in such a bad shape last night so he asked me to come over to make sure you haven't died or anything. Craig said that you were easy to tease, so I couldn't help myself. I didn't think that I would freak you out like that. The last time I saw a guy freak out like that was back in high school. I dated this boy and he was still a virgin when we did it the first time… you're not a virgin, are you?"

"… … …"

"Oh my god! I'm doing it again, am I? I'm so sorry. We're starting on the wrong foot, aren't we? Just forget everything that happened and everything I said until now. Let's start from the beginning. Okay? Let's have a fresh start. I'm going to walk out the door, and come back in and introduce myself."

Without even pausing for breath, she did exactly what she said.

It was so absurd.

If I wasn't half-confused by how fast the whole thing happened, I probably would have fallen over and rolled on the floor laughing. Instead, I stayed frozen, kneeling on the bathroom's cold tiles, in front of the toilet as this very strange… and possibly insane… woman walked out of the room and closed the bathroom door behind her. Then, a few moments later, opened the door, walked in and stretched out to shake my hand as if introducing herself that way to a person hurling his guts in the toilet was the most natural thing in the world.

"Hi. Nice to meet you. My name is Beverly Hagel."

I don't think I realized it at the time. But looking back, I know now that it was at that very strange and absurd moment… I fell madly in love with her.

Of course, it didn't take long for me to realize it. And I probably did the most illogical thing that I've ever done my life. I actually asked to be transferred from a recon assignment… taken out of active duty… in exchange for administrative duty in Fort Hamilton so I can be near her. Everyone said that it was professional suicide. With all the commendations under my belt, I could have risen higher up the ranks if I wanted to.

If I hadn't met Bev, I'd probably agree. After all, what else did I have left other than my career? Hell, the only reason why I chose this career back when I was eighteen was because I had no idea what I wanted to do in the first place. Uncle Raymond idly suggested to "Join the Marines until you make up your mind." So I did. I even considered following Uncle Raymond's footsteps by going to law school. But all that time, I didn't really feel that I was going anywhere. Following the routine and doing my job just made things easier, you know.

But after I met Bev, for the first time in my life, I actually wanted something. I actually wanted to take charge of my life. Even if everyone around me said that I was wasting my potential and that the direction I was going would lead me nowhere. It didn't really matter at all. Not anymore. As long as the path I was going was leading me to Bev, I didn't care. All I knew was that all I really wanted was to be with her.

So two years and a lifetime ago, at exactly twelve weeks, three days, five hours and fifteen minutes after I met her. I asked her to marry me.

And she said yes.

And today is our wedding day.

Mind you, we didn't have a perfect fairy tale romance. We had our share of ups and downs like any normal couple. Despite how much I love her, there were times I get this overwhelming urge to strangle her. I'm sure she had her moments as well, when she probably wanted to shoot me with my own gun. There's just those times when her brain seems to go through these really petty and completely irrational thought patterns at certain times of the month.

I mean, this one time…she bought fifty rolls of toilet paper just because they were on sale? Who does that anyway? Okay, sure, it was on sale. But fifty rolls for two people?

Then she started crying uncontrollably. Just bawling like the world was ending. She started screaming that I was cruel and mean and insensitive and I didn't love her anymore simply because I said, "Honey, isn't that a bit too much?"

I don't understand. I just don't get it!

And THAT.

That was the worst thing she ever did.

Cry.

Her bursting out crying uncontrollably drove me nuts. She knew it. And she used it to her full advantage. She knew that I fall to pieces whenever I see her cry. If it were any other person, I would just inconspicuously escape the room. But if it was her… I just don't know what to do. All I could do was feel helpless to the point that I feel like crying myself.

And I hate that!

This would probably sound funny coming from me, especially with my background as a soldier. But Bev was the only person I've been physically intimate with. I don't have much to compare, and I'm not one to share locker room stories. But Bev has this really strange quirk after we do it. Sometimes she would suddenly have this really weird… morbid… trains of thought after we... you know… and she would always share it when I was already half-asleep.

I remember this particular conversation that's been playing in my head over and over recently…

"Keith, if I die tonight, and you meet and fall in love with a girl named Laura tomorrow morning, are you going to marry her?"

"… … …what?"

"Are you going to marry Laura?"

"…not marrying Laura… marrying you… go to sleep..."

"I know that. But it's just a hypothetical question. If I die, are you going to fall in love with another girl and marry her?"

"…you're the only woman I'll ever love until I die."

"No. NO! That won't do at all. I don't want to hear you saying things like that."

"… … … sigh You know, a normal girl would be very happy to hear that reply from her fiancé."

"It does make me happy. But what about you? I mean, I'll be dead so it doesn't matter how I feel. I just don't want you to throw a beautiful life that you could have with Laura because of me."

"Is there a point to this conversation?"

"I just want you to be happy."

"But I am happy."

"I want you to stay happy even after I die. Alright. You don't have to marry Laura, but you have to promise that you won't deprive yourself from being happy just because I'm dead."

"Why are you so sure that you're going to die before me? Is there something you're not telling me?"

"No. It's just that you love me so much."

"Okay…"

"I know that you'll never allow yourself to die before me. You'll never do anything that will make me sad."

"… … …"

"That's why I'm worried about you."

"No one's going to die tonight."

"Do you promise?"

"Yes. Now go to sleep."

"Good. Oh! You're hair starting to get long and shaggy, remind me to trim it before the wedding. Good night."

"…… …"

Needless to say, I couldn't sleep a wink after that. I ended up watching her sleep until morning. I also started getting paranoid about meeting women named Laura… which was probably not very good for my health.

Fifty-one days and a lifetime ago, for the first time since we started living together, Bev and I were separated for more than a day. Her friends decided to take her to Miami for a weekend as her bridal shower. She hasn't hung out with her friends like that for a long time, so I told her to go. I didn't realize how I've become so dependent on her until those three days she was away.

It was just three days… but it almost felt like I was going on withdrawal. No matter how hard Craig tried to distract me, I craved for her. I just wanted to see her so badly. I missed hearing her voice, hearing those illogical comments she makes, and hearing her laugh. I missed waking up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee that she always made in the morning, and the scent of her favourite shampoo when we go to bed at night. I missed the taste of mint from her favourite lip gloss. I missed the feel of her touch… the feel of her warmth… the way she cuddles up against me naturally when I hold her in my arms.

Forty-eight days and a lifetime ago, I was going give her a nice welcome home surprise. I'll pick her up from the airport. She'll come home, where a nice hot bath will be waiting for her and her favourite dish of thin crust pepperoni with extra cheese, served in a romantic candle lit dinner as soon as she emerged fresh from her bath. There will be soft music and lots of… dancing. Of course chances were, we'd probably just forget everything and go straight to dancing.

But instead…

Seven weeks and a lifetime ago, I received a phone call as I frantically turned on the evening news featuring a tragic plane accident…

"Mr. Kogane… I'm sorry. There's been an accident. I'm afraid to say that Miss Hagel is one of…"

Today is my wedding day.

We were supposed to be married today… a year ago.

An old cliché states that wounds heal eventually with the passage of time. That may be true in some instances. But not with this wound. To be quite honest, I don't know if I want it to. Because the only way for this wound to heal is to forget…

Forget that we were supposed to pledge our undying love in front of our close friends and family. Forget that we were supposed to start our new life together as husband and wife. Forget that we were supposed to have a family. Forget that were supposed to watch our children grow up. Forget that were supposed to tell them the embarrassing story of how Mommy and Daddy first met. Forget that we were supposed to grow old together.

Forget her…

I'd rather be here where I am. One year later. Automatically going through the motions of being alive without living… realizing all over again how truly alone I really am. Once again finding myself lost, uncertain and wondering which direction in my life is to go. Being reminded all over again that when something ends, those left behind are never happy. Desperately trying to find a way to keep her silly promise to find happiness without her… and failing.

"Sensei, two men are here to see you."

I already noticed them walk in a while ago. From the corner of my eye, I saw them wait patiently… or impatiently, depending on how you see it, by the wall near the dojo's entrance. I silently hoped that they were just passing by. But that was too much to hope for. I would assume that Galaxy Garrison colonels and lieutenants, at least according to their stripes, have more interesting hobbies than to watch insignificant non-military students sparring in insignificant non-military dojos. Not that it really mattered. But the last thing I wanted today, of all days, is to hear news that I'm being drafted to fight in some war that they've gotten us into, in a galaxy that I've never even heard of.

"Uh… Sensei? They said it's important."

Damn. I guess I can't ignore them forever.

I might as well get this section of the class over with. The faster I meet them, the faster I get rid of them. I bowed and the seniors motioned to start their attack. Even though it was more like play-dancing than actual combat, I've always enjoyed sparring with my students. I suppose any teacher would be pleased to see his students learn and improve how to apply their skills after each sparring session. For a moment, I actually managed to push my two unwelcome visitors to the back of my mind.

But unfortunately, like all moments… it's temporary and fleeting.

"Five minute break. Then all belts group according to rank. Senpais, oversee your kohei."

The colonel and his lieutenant stood there, both desperately trying to look imposing and full of authority, despite the expressions of awe on their faces. Five weeks ago, I probably would have been flattered. Now, I'm too annoyed to care. The last thing I wanted is to deal with them today, of all days.

Today is my wedding day.

"Well? Who're you two supposed to be?"

Today is a turning point in my life.

* * *

End of Step Two  
Continued on Step Three: Catharsis 

Author's squawk:

Of the three chapters, I have to say that this is probably my favourite. Mainly because of all three, it's the one with the most symmetrical format. Yes. I've been told many times how weird I am. But I did enjoy thinking up Bev and the idea of Keith being your typical foolish youth in love for the first time. It's a great contrast to his relationship to the DD Allura. Then again, there is that saying… once bitten, twice shy. After being crushed like that, he's definitely going to be more cautions about falling in love again. And if Allura does manage to rekindle those feelings in him, we know its going to be more precious and more special… Now I kind of feel sorry for Bev. I really did like her… Ah, well… life goes on, que sera sera and all that jazz.

Again, thanks for reading.

Comments, criticisms, sacrificial offerings to the muses… to inaunderscorechanatyahoodotcom


	3. Step Three: Catharsis

I know what you're saying…Why won't this woman stop torturing Keith? Leave him alone already, dammit! You crazy author!

Yes. The sad truth remains that despite the brilliance of the little people living inside my head… and their continued plots to conquer the world… Voltron characters still belongs to WEP, storyline premise based on Devil's Due Comics. Certain events in the story are imitated from…actually, this one safe. It's all completely made up from my noodle. Keith's history that's not stated in the Devil's Due profiles as well as the actual plot were also made up.

Rating PG-13

**VERY IMPORTANT ACKNOWLEDGMENT:** This fic would not have been made possible without the patience, assistance, insight and support of the very lovely Sheila Bliss.

February 21, 2007

And They Lived Happily Ever After  
(a.k.a. If You Ignore the Light at the End of the Tunnel)  
By Ina-chan

Step Three: Catharsis

From what seemed like a lifetime ago, I still remember the eerie silence that followed that moment. Colonel Hawkins had just finished his speech involving an empire at war, a robot champion created by scientists and priests, witches and mythical graves. The group of strangers, who were to become my subordinates in this mission, started making rude snipes as they stared at our superior like a second head suddenly sprouted from his neck. While I held my tongue throughout the whole spiel, their very same rude comments were silently blaring in my head.

How did they expect us to believe such a load of crap?

Voltron was just some child's fairy tale fantasy, right?

"Now THAT was what I call a spectacular finish! I have to say, you really pulled through with this one, oh fearless leader."

It seems rather ironic looking back at it now, doesn't it?

"Heh-heh. Flattery will get you anywhere but not this time, eh Lance?"

"Wanna make something out of it, squirt?"

"Now, now boys, enough! We really should head back to the castle right away and have Keith's wound looked at. I don't understand why men can be so stubborn."

"Are you sure you're not just making an excuse to get the Commander to take his pants off?"

"LANCE!"

"Princess?"

"It's not what you think! Lance, don't give Pidge any funny ideas!"

"Is that bet still on?"

"Hell, yeah Hunk! Can you imagine me missing a chance of a lifetime? Of course, there's no way I'm backing down. Allura has to convince Keith to pull down his pants and show IT or I get rewarded with a kiss. A deal's a deal."

"LANCE!!!"

"IT?!? PRINCESS!!!"

"IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK! Lance mentioned once that Keith has a tattoo on his thigh. I just wondered about it and things got out of hand."

"You know, it's not very nice to talk about a bet on a person when the person involved can hear you."

"You're right Hunk. I'm sorry Keith! It was just a joke! Don't take it too seriously."

"A JOKE! That was a legitimate verbal transaction. Hunk was even a witness. Hunk, say something."

"Lance, don't you dare pull Hunk into this and twist things around!"

"Well, Keith seems to be taking this well in spite of everything."

"Keith?"

Now how does a man like me, who doesn't believe in fairy tales suddenly find himself smack in the middle of one?

"Yo! Chief, I know you have reasons to be mad, but aren't you taking this silent treatment a little too far?"

"Pidge, is the Black Lion having technical trouble with comms?"

"Everything looks okay to me."

"Black Lion, this is Blue Lion, can you read me? Keith, if you're having trouble with your transmitter… do something to let us know you can hear us."

I wonder…

"Guys… something's wrong… the Black Lion's just standing there…"

"Keith, say something."

…how this fairytale is going to end?

"I'm going in."

I've thought about death and dying. I thought about it long before my parents died. Thinking about death was probably one of the few childhood memories that I still remember.

"Holy f---!! Keith? KEITH! SHIT! Coran, do you copy?"

"Lance? Why are you calling from the Black Lion?"

"No time to explain. As soon as I touch down on the castle, make sure there's a medical crew ready and waiting for us when we get there."

"Understood."

"Lance, what's going on?"

"Don't worry, Allura. Just meet us at the castle. Keith, can you hear me? Don't worry, you're gonna be okay, buddy. Hang in there…"

When I was three, my family moved to the US from Hong Kong. We moved so that Mom could be reunited with Aunt Fay. Before we left, I remember asking Dad why Mom was still sad even though reunions were supposed to be happy. Dad said that it was because Aunt Fay was dying.

I remember telling a boy who lived next door why we had to leave… though I don't remember his name anymore. But I remember what he said. He said that death was fun. His grandfather died in the mainland two months before. His grandfather wanted his funeral the same way their ancestors did it. So their whole family flew to the mainland where the funeral was done up in the mountains, and his grandfather was put in a great bonfire that was very cool to watch.

I remember coming to the US with that expectation. I remember feeling disappointed that Aunt Fay didn't die. I remember my father trying to explain that dying was not fun and games. Dying is a part of life. Everything that is born will eventually die. And death is vital. All living things on earth will only continue to thrive because of it. I didn't understand any of it at all back then. Only the memory of feeling that death was something big and confusing stayed with me.

"How is he? Any changes?"

"No. The doctor still can't explain why he hasn't woken up."

It wasn't until I was twelve, after the death of my parents, when I learned the painful and scary side of death. The knowledge that I would never see my parents again was too much to bear. When I was little, I used to hide in dark closets or under my bed to get away from my mother when I did something that will incite her wrath and punishment. When she and Dad died, I realized for the first time that death can happen to anyone. Hiding in dark corners became almost a security blanket. I suppose I thought back then that I could hide even from death.

I also remember obsessing over it for a while. Lying still in bed at night, pulling my blankets over my head, closing my eyes and trying to imagine what it would feel like to be dead. Trying to imagine how it would feel to be put in a box then shoved in a stove to be burned and cremated. Imagining my flesh burn, curl and char like the hamburgers on Uncle Raymond's barbecue grill, until there was nothing left but tiny pieces of bone and ash.

It scared the hell out of me.

Needless to say, I also stopped eating meat for a while after that.

"I don't understand. He was okay just a few minutes ago. He sounded okay during the battle."

"If there's one thing we should all know about Keith by now, it's the fact that he has mastered the art of covering up his weaknesses."

But it wasn't until Bev died that I realized how crippling death can be to those left behind. I finally understood why Aunt Fay seemed to have given up after Uncle Raymond passed on. There was nothing left to live for. I probably would have given up myself, if I didn't make that promise to her, if I didn't accept Hawkins' proposal, if I didn't become attached to my crew, if I wasn't needed to pilot a dying planet's saviour, if she… if people didn't depend on me…

"But Lance… The injury that Lady Raimi gave him was far from life threatening. Compared to a lot of the other stuff we've all been through in the past, that knife wound was just a scratch."

"We won't know anything for sure until we get his blood tox scan results."

"You think the knife was tainted?"

"It's the only explanation."

"Actually that explains everything. Poison is the Boazan weapon of choice. Trying to determine what it was tainted with is another story. There are more than five hundred known naturally occurring poisons from the Boazan environment alone and at least three thousand known manufactured ones. It's not a big deal if you're from that planet. Boazans seemed to have developed a natural immunity to most of their poisons. But for someone who isn't from that planet…"

"That's why Coran and a representative from the rest of the Boazan delegate are questioning Lady Raimi now. Hopefully, we can find out what we're dealing with soon…"

Planet Boaz… I only read about it in history books as a cadet. It was a water planet naturally rich with unpolluted deuterium, a component essential to creating anti-matter fuel. It gained its reputation as one of the Galactic Union's terra forming success stories more than a millennium ago. The whole planet itself was a technological miracle with floating cities above water and complex mazes of both natural and manmade caverns on the land underneath.

I never had the chance to visit the planet myself, until just before the peace talks. Their floating cities always fascinated me. It reminded me of my mother's stories about nomadic boat tribes back on Earth who still preferred to live in the waters and would sometimes dock on Hong Kong's piers for supplies. Seeing them with my own eyes, despite the obvious ruin parts of the capital due to their civil war was still a sight to behold.

When the Drule Supremacy first succeeded in annexing that territory, Boaz then gained the tragic reputation as the first member of the Galactic Union to fall into Drulian hands almost a hundred years past. Needless to say, Planet Boaz' relationship with the Union had been unsteady, with the former seeing the latter's inadequacy to bring support against the Drule Supremacy's oppression as a form of abandonment.

Zarkon's early campaign as the new diplomatic and peace-loving ruler of the Ninth Kingdom after his defeat of Tarnoc the Cruel, only pushed the wedge on any chance of reunification between Boaz and the Galactic Union. It was only after Zarkon showed his true colors a little over thirteen years ago when he started his invasion of the thirty-five worlds surrounding the Ninth Kingdom's territories was when sympathy for anti-Drulian rebel groups started gaining momentum in Boaz. But things didn't really start moving until news of Voltron's revival spread throughout the captured worlds within the Ten Kingdoms of the Drule Supremacy.

Voltron's revival incited a chain of events that started to weaken the Drule's hold on its bordering territories. A civil war erupted in Boaz that snowballed into a revolution, and in turn gave its citizens its hard-earned freedom. Desperate to strengthen their defences, but still suspicious of the Union, the members of Boaz' new parliament agreed to a treaty… but only to Arus.

Who in their right mind would turn their back on such an opportunity? It will be a great blow to further Zarkon's campaign to extend his kingdom to the Galactic Union's territories if it completely loses its hold on Boaz' resources. It was also a chance to help those people, stranded and made slaves in their own home planet. There was no stopping the princess from extending her help, even if Boaz didn't ask specifically for Arus' aid… so Arus agreed to accept the proposal and acted as a Geneva Convention to Planet Boaz' visiting ten delegates.

There really isn't anyone else to blame.

I got careless.

It's really all my fault.

"It's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself, Allura."

"Yeah. Who would have suspected that one of the Boazan delegates was a Drulian supporter?"

"Keith did. And I didn't listen. I even defended her. Now, Keith is…"

"… … …"

"Allura, we all know that Keith is just cautious by nature, I don't think even he expected that Lady Raimi was gonna betray us."

Lady Raimi deBe'liat.

I should have known about her. She is the Boazan Parliament's youngest Minister, being only five years older than Allura. Despite her youth, she already had an impressive list of accomplishments, some of them of questionable value though easily dismissed. Then again, one man's revolutionary hero is another man's pirate menace. And Lady Raimi, being an active member in the Boazan revolutionary movement since the age of fourteen had a colourful reputation of being hailed as both. I suppose it was expected that Allura would instantly be drawn to her.

Despite my reservations on the air of caution, I never suspected her. In many ways, she and the princess were very much alike. Lady Raimi had the unnerving insight of a sixty-year-old captain, trapped in a young woman's body. When she spoke, she commanded such authority, reverence and wisdom that it was easy to forget that the person in front of us was still just a 24-year-old young woman, who can make irrational judgments like anyone else who's only had 24 years of life experience… especially with the affairs of the heart.

So when she asked to talk to me in private regarding information on a possible assassination attempt on the princess during the ceremony…

I got careless.

I should have known better… being that age and in love once… a lifetime ago.

I should have realized her primary objective long before she could act on it.

"Who could have known? I mean, it's unthinkable! A fine woman like her? A hero even! Suddenly going around to willingly hook up with Lotor? UGH! There is no justice in this world!"

"As much as I despise what she did, I can't say that I entirely blame her. I'm sure she mostly did it because she truly loved her people. Who knows what I would have done if Voltron was not revived and I found myself in the same situation…"

"… … …"

"With all due respect, Allura… You're definitely waaaay too kind for your own good. Stop sympathizing with the enemy and stop blaming yourself."

"That's right. Keith's not going to blame you for what happened either. Don't worry."

"He'll be alright. He's got Japanese blood in him. And we Japanese are pretty tough, y'know."

"You mean obstinate."

"For your sake, I'll pretend that's a compliment, Lance."

As a soldier, I always knew that the danger of dying in a mission was always a possibility. Death wasn't just a fact of life, it was an occupational hazard. If I were to die, I'd rather it be on the line of duty… protecting everything and everyone whom I care about.

" beep Princess Allura. Are you there? Please answer."

"Yes Coran, I'm here."

"How's the commander? Has he awakened?"

"No… Coran, what happened? Why do you sound upset?"

"Princess, I need you to listen very carefully. The doctor is on his way. If the commander turns for the worse before he gets there, make sure to contact me right away. I'll be there soon with Minister Sol. Fortunately he knows how to make the antidote."

"All right Coran! You always pull through."

"Thank goodness. But, I'm a little surprised that you were able to get the answer from Lady Raimi that fast."

"Princess… Lady Raimi is dead."

"WHAT?"

"She cut herself with the same dagger she used to attack the commander. Fortunately Minister Sol has an idea which poison it is based on her symptoms. He said he can easily create the antidote. But we need to act fast. This poison works in a way that quickly shuts down the victim's nervous system."

"But once Keith gets the antidote, he'll be okay, right?"

"We hope so."

"Coran?"

"We'll be there as soon as we can."

"Coran, what aren't you telling us?"

"Minister Sol is confident that we'll be able to save the commander's life in time."

"That's a good thing, right?"

"He's afraid that because of the time that elapsed due to the battle… the poison's mechanism… even with the antidote, once the victim falls into a deep coma… there's a slim chance of him ever waking up."

"That's a joke, right?"

"Yeah…there's got to be a mistake."

"So killing the commander was never her goal. It was a ploy to cripple Voltron so Zarkon's robeast can finish us off."

"NO! I WON'T accept that! I REFUSE to accept that!"

"Allura…"

"Keith! I know you can hear me!"

It's funny, suddenly remembering weird memories you normally would never think twice about. Perhaps this is what people meant when your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. Silly beliefs along with the one about when you meet loved ones who had long died before you and you follow bright lights at the end of dark tunnel. Life after death… I never really believed in any that. You'd think that I would have some faith, being a soldier who faced death more times than the numerical value of my age.

"Wake up! You have to wake up! Please…"

I suppose, part of me wanted to. I guess it's the part that also wanted to believe in happy endings. But since I've yet to see a happy ending, the hope of life after death goes down the same way. When you die, you simply become part of the cycle. You rot, you turn to dust, you become the earth, and you become food for the living.

"Keith!"

But, for some reason…right now… there's this strange sense of déjà vu. It's like I'm twelve again, hiding in the closet.

"KEITH!""

Even though I can't understand them, I can even hear muffled voices of people talking on the other side of the door as if I wasn't there. I thought I even heard my name…

"Hello? Earth to Keith, are you still there?"

As if a muted radio transmitter suddenly finding a signal, a cacophony of sound blared around me all at once, forcing my eyes to open with a start. I gaped in bewilderment at the vision before me. I didn't understand why I was back here, of all places… My heart ached as I let myself relive the memory.

It was a place I was all too familiar with. I've revisited it in my memories over and over many times. There were people everywhere. I felt them jostling and pushing against my back as we swayed with the movement of the train. Despite the vast advancement in aeronautics and space travel the past couple of centuries, subway travel during the evening rush hour in the BMT Broadway Line seemed to have remained frozen in the 21st Century. I instinctively pushed back against the bodies behind me, and braced against the safety rails to keep myself from crushing the one in front.

That was until I felt a pair of hands pulled at the sides of my hips through my jeans' belt loops, forcing me to look down to face her. I held my breath as I found myself staring down on a pair of familiar bright green eyes just as I remembered them dearly not so long ago. She flashed that lopsided impish smile that she always made when she was up to something... that's not always "good".

I tried to keep a straight face as I felt the soft contours of her shape suggestively rub against mine. My hands instinctively wrapped around her to prevent her actions from evolving from embarrassment to torture, only to end up being pushed by the wave of bodies I was protecting her from, crushing her petite frame against the wall behind her. Red-faced and shrinking away from the nearby passenger's annoyed stares, it took all I could do to stay calm.

"Idiot! Are you trying to get us killed?"

"Well that's one way of getting your attention."

Her laughter was infectious. I could never find within myself to really get angry at her. And on those rare times when she did manage to make my temper flare, I could never find it within myself to stay mad at her either. This particular day, I was too anxious to feel any other emotion anyway.

"I can't believe you just dropped everything to move here in New York City permanently, just like that!"

"I told you I'd do anything to be near you."

"You mean… you'll actually fly from wherever you get assigned everyday just to be near me?"

"Why would I do that? That's the main reason why I asked to be transferred here in the first place."

"… … …"

"What?"

"You know, you have no sense of romance whatsoever."

"It's easier to be more direct to the point."

"Boo! And what, pray sir, is your point?"

"I want us to be together for the rest of our lives."

The mischievous expression on her face instantly melted. As her green orbs stared directly into mine, I could almost see the gears turning in her head as she tried to decide if she thought I was joking. I didn't blame her. After all, we only knew each other less than three months. But if there was anything I was sure of, this was it. I knew that I was born to spend the rest of my life with her. The only thing I could do was to hope and pray that she saw it the same way.

"So I'll be like your uncle's lucky penny."

"What?"

"You know… the one he got made into a charm and keeps with him all the time."

"… … …"

One of my fears realized… I honestly can't figure out how her mind works. Sometimes I'm not sure if she's really that dense or if she's being intentionally cruel. Then again, I wasn't planning on proposing to her this way. With an inward sigh, I instantly searched through the back of my mind to make sure the rest of the evening goes as planned.

"Are you going to take me with you in the bath as well?"

"What!?"

"Your uncle. You said that he took his lucky penny with him anywhere he went. Even in the bath."

"… … …"

You can say, at this point, whatever was going through my head had completely frozen. I wasn't exactly sure if it was because I suddenly found myself trapped in the middle of her pace with no way out… or the sudden lecherous images that flooded my already overworked brain.

"You know…"

"What…"

"Normally this would involve a ring and you kneeling on one knee."

I give up.

If you try to go along with her pace, you'll only get tired. I originally planned an evening of dinner, music, dancing and a nice carriage ride in the park before asking. I was quickly realizing that the only way to go about something this serious with her was really to become direct to the point without any distractions.

"I would, but I'm afraid the ring will get knocked off my hand and get lost in the throng of all these people."

"... … …"

The expression on her bright green eyes changed once again upon hearing those words as realization finally hit her that I wasn't joking. Her arms instantly went around me and her hands clutched my jacket as if she was afraid to let go. She spoke as she buried her face on my shoulder, I almost didn't catch what she said.

"You can give it to me in the bath… or after… whatever works for you."

I remember gently pushing her back so I could see her face. And I remember the embarrassed flush on her cheeks that probably reflected mine as she looked up at me with uncharacteristic bashfulness. I remember the faint taste of mint and the feel of the soft warmth of her lips in mine.

And the world stood still.

I didn't care.

The mob of people around us disappeared to nothingness. The train's monotonous groaning faded to silence. The car's swaying halted to a stop. But in my mind, as long as we were together like this, the world can go to hell.

Then she pulled away and lovingly cupped my face in her hands as she flashed me one of her dazzling smiles.

"Meeting you and being with you is the best thing that happened to me. These are the happiest moments in my life. I really wanted to be your lucky penny."

"Bev, no. Don't… Let's just be like this. Let me stay here with you."

"Baby, you can't keep hiding in your memories forever."

"I don't want to forget any of this."

"You won't."

"But I will. I said that I wouldn't forget her either… but now, I can barely even remember her face without her pictures."

"Who?"

"Mom."

There. Another one of my fears realized. I suppose I never admitted it to myself until this moment. I didn't even realize it until after Bev died… that I couldn't even remember her face anymore. I couldn't remember my own mother's face. I couldn't even remember the sound of her voice. All of my memories of her were reduced to faint recollections of childhood snapshots of images and sound.

"But sometimes, we need to put aside memories that we don't really need anymore to make room for new ones."

"I don't want to not need you anymore."

"Keith…"

"I love you!"

A pained expression crossed her features as her hands pulled at the collar of my jacket for another desperate kiss before pulling away to tuck her head under my chin. In turn, I clutched to her petite frame, knowing that it was a matter of time before she disappear again.

"All the more reason you can't stay here."

"Why?"

"Because you have to keep your promise. You have to continue living on and find lots and lots of happiness."

"I can't do it…"

"Yes, you can. You have to continue on and do all those things we wanted to do together. You can't let the dreams we made together die with me. You need to find enough happiness to cover both our lifetimes."

"I can't, baby… not without you."

"No, Baby. Don't do this. Don't deprive yourself and other people from finding happiness with you. Don't give them reason to be sad. You've become very important to a lot of people now. You're not alone anymore. Your friends… They're all waiting for you to come back."

My friends.

I didn't have anyone I considered as real friends before I met Bev. All my colleagues in the Marines, even Craig… they were mostly superiors, subordinates, and acquaintances. And before turning our backs on everything and pledging allegiance to Arus… Lance, Pidge, Hunk, Sven… they were just strangers I never met before and somehow ended up becoming my subordinates. Of course I would have given my life for them in the name of duty...

…but to continue living on because of my friends?

My friends. Lance, Pidge, Hunk…

…Allura…

"And, even though she's been really patient all this time, a girl can only wait so long."

"What?"

"Then again, you've always been a little slow on the uptake when it came to things like this."

Her sigh of exasperation brought me back from my thoughts. A sad smile curled the corners of her delicate lips as she gave me another hug.

"If you don't make yourself clear soon, she'll get tired of waiting and leave you behind."

"What are you talking about?"

"What else? Laura!"

Her infectious laugh rang again along with the melody announcing train's doors opening behind me. Before I could react, she pushed me with almost inhuman strength and I felt myself stumbling backwards, helpless to stop myself from falling into a mysterious dark hole. I reached out for her, but she merely waved at me as her image within the train's open doors slowly disappeared into a speck of light as I tumbled deeper back into the tunnel… into the dark… into nothingness.

For the first time, fear and anxiety started to well in me in the dark. This odd sense of vertigo left my heart hammering so fast that it became difficult to breathe. It almost felt as if I was drowning on air. I flailed and tried to grab onto anything, and felt an odd sense of relief as I felt a pair of hands hold on to one of mine. I held on to it like my life depended on it until the sensation passed.

The next thing I knew, I was gasping for air, half-naked, waking up on an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar room. And there were this pair of familiar clear blue eyes looking down at me.

"Good Morning, Sleeping Beauty."

"…lau…ra…?"

Tears pooled at the corners of those blue eyes upon hearing my almost inaudible whisper. As the fog in my head cleared, I finally realized where I was. I was in the infirmary. From the corner of my eye, I saw that my friends had found refuge and were sleeping soundly despite their uncomfortable positions in various nooks and corners of the room. Allura squeezed my hand, as if the action would help her from bursting into tears. I shifted uncomfortably and braced myself. It did seem like she was ready to cry at any moment.

"You started spiking a fever shortly after the doctor gave you the antidote. You gave us quite a scare for a moment there. I… we… all of us… we were up all night waiting for you to wake up."

"I'm sorry for the trouble."

Her eyes widened and she shook her head with such enthusiasm that I was afraid she was going to hurt herself.

"It's no trouble at all. I couldn't sleep anyway. And Lance… Lance tried to keep everyone's spirits up all night. He'll never admit it, but I think he's the one who was worried the most apart from… Ah! He even taught me what I should say when you woke up. That's partly the reason why I… I'm sorry. I'm babbling nonsense, when you should be resting. I'll… I'll go get the doctor."

For some reason, as she shifted to leave my side and let go of my hand, my own fingers tightened around hers as if in their own accord, forcing her back to where she was seated. She turned to me in surprise and I instinctively avoided her gaze in embarrassment. I couldn't explain why, but I just didn't want her to go. I don't think my hand will obey my mind's commands anyway, even if I wanted to.

"Keith?"

"I'm sorry. But…don't go yet. Please."

She gave me a puzzled look, but squeezed my hand, encouraging me to continue speaking. At this point, I was starting to feel silly. But this illogical fear was still stirring within me. That little boy hiding in the closet still wouldn't go away.

"I just… don't want to be alone."

At that point, Lance, Hunk and Pidge suddenly let out a chorus of loud snores, breaking the spell and bringing a strange sort of irony. I just felt completely stupid after that. I loosened my grasp and started to pull away to apologize for my childishness. But the princess simply re-clasped my hand in both of hers once again and smiled.

"All right. But only if you do it again. And if you don't mind, do it all the time."

This time, it was me who gave her a puzzled look. She looked at me expectantly, as if I was supposed to have an idea what she was talking about. She bent closer until I could feel her warm breath as she whispered in my ear.

"Call me by that name you said earlier. Call me 'Lura."

"… … …"

How is it possible that a man who never believed in fairytales could find himself living in one? What did I do in my former life to be teased and made fun of by the Fates, making me run through these hoops and obstacles in the various turning points in my life?

I still don't believe in fairytales or happy endings.

Then again, the ending to this tale is far from over. And it's really all about perspective, isn't it? I'm slowly realizing that you can't really know what happiness feels like anyway, if you never felt sorrow. But right now, I'm not even exactly sure what I'm feeling.

With her being this close after all that's happened, I'm finding that the feelings I've always suppressed is getting really difficult to ignore. So when she backed off to give me space, as if sensing my discomfort, it was almost a relief.

"Uhmm… If you think it's embarrassing, you don't have to. But it would really make me happy if you did… call me that… Even if it's just the two of us…"

Seeing that smile, I ask myself again… am I happy?

I suppose, in a way, I am. Not in the same kind of happiness that I had with Bev... or when I was growing up with Aunt Fay and Uncle Raymond… or even with Mom and Dad. But I suppose… I know well enough to recognize that I am happy. It was a comforting type of happy…

At one point, I was afraid that it threatened to make me forget the happiness that I knew before. But now… I know that it's not the end of the world if that happens either. It's strange that after you have these experiences you begin to see everything with different eyes.

Allura… It was obvious that the rest of the team already sees her as one of the guys. I've caught her engaged with snippets of conversations with them that were not appropriate for a woman to hear… more even so a woman of her social status. Then again, Lance's intentions with her were never a secret.

On hind sight, I was really the only one left who kept her away at arm's reach. I understand why I did it. I suppose I always knew, but I simply didn't want to acknowledge it. Even just acknowledging my feelings already felt a lot like I was betraying Bev.

But seeing Allura now and seeing her watch me expectantly with those clear blue eyes… perhaps, it was time to accept that things are changing. I don't think I'm ready to move forward yet… but admitting it at least is one baby step. And maybe, I'll have the courage once again to have those baby steps turn into more confident strides…

Someday.

"Sure... 'Lura"

There was something endearing about the uncharacteristic shyness that seemed to envelope her body movements as she heard my whisper.

"Uhm… and there's another... You see…there's this thing… and… I was hoping that you wouldn't mind helping me out. But only if you want to!"

It was something to get used to. But it could just be the red-blooded male in me reacting to the self-conscious flush that suddenly crept from her neck to cover the rest of her face, and the shy smile that touched her lips. It was almost a revelation to realize that she too has that side. To be quite honest, her nervousness was starting make me feel nervous too…

"Okay."

Seeing those clear blue eyes look at me hopefully, accompanied with that uncharacteristic nervous smile with a promise of a second chance… I don't think even that is enough. It's still not enough to convince me that anyone can ever hope for a happy ending. I still believe that when things end… its never happy.

But that shouldn't stop anybody from trying to get it… even if it's only one baby step at a time.

"Can you pull down your pants and show 'it'?"

"… … …"

…baby steps…one… baby step… at a time…

The End .

* * *

Author's squawk:

What? You're actually reading this part too? You are such a sweetie. Thank you so much for reading this fic. I finally finished first Voltron fic. The first time is always special… .

On a side note… Planet Boaz is a tribute to another older super robot anime, Voltes V. Of course, Voltes V is the 2nd instalment to Tadao Nagahama's Robot Romance trilogy which was composed of "Choudenji Robo Combattler V" (1976), "Choudenji Machine Voltes V" (1977), and "Tousshou Daimos" (1978). Speaking of which Tadao Nagahama is also best known in the North American anime community as the guy who directed "The Rose of Versailles" (1979).

Anywayz… going back on-topic… Planet Boaz (Changed to Boazania in the Philippine version for some strange reason) is the home planet of the enemies in Voltes V. Of course, this fic's version is nothing like the anime's Boaz. Though, I did kind of borrow their system of government. What? You dunno what Voltes V is? It's only the best Check it out on the internet. You Tube has a lot of the episodes…

Thank you for your patience! And as already mentioned, this wouldn't have been possible without Sheila Bliss. I do hope to write more Voltron stuff in the future. Most probably in the Devil's Due version, since I don't really see a lot of stories floating around using it. Again, thank you for reading!

Comments, criticisms, sacrificial offerings to the muses… to inachanatyahoodotcom


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